I have touched what does not concern me, curiosity has finally bitten me. At least, lesson learnt, it is time to burn bridges. I'll enter my alter and make confessions to my soul, ask forgiveness of my maker, I have wasted time.

What woman would show up next?

Spending 3 days, I have discovered

•  CORRECTION, PEOPLE HATE IT. 
• YOU CANNOT FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING. 
• DON'T PLAY WITH WHAT WON'T ADD ANYTHING SUBSTANTIAL TO YOUR LIFE. 
• And lastly, NO MATTER HOW CLOSE, NO ONE'S BUSINESS IS YOUR BUSINESS.

There is something added to these days that I can't actually tell, but I must do away with my curiosity with mere humans now.

"Directions from laxity
Perplexed by slavery
A means to escape
A lifestyle came.
I realized my stomach sagged 
My brain fagged
I belched
No one responded
Then I realized
My bands were loose.
Interest me in the old man's dish
Feelings I could imbibe
Shredding strings of peach
And only one fruit must abide"

Contrast is the movement to the extreme on both sides of the spectrum. Life is always move and like a river we join in this dance, knowing it or not.

The evil is when we miss our steps, we become out of rhythm and life loves rhythm. Pleasure is loved by most, but extended pleasure is a demon, latching onto us to suck blood, we need discomfort.

My stomach hates discomfort, the only thing that loves discomfort is my mind.

Thou shall have no other god besides me. 

The times are changing, this week seems cooler than the ones before. So says the only receiver on the other end.

Emotions can be controlled, but some cannot. Implosion is not the best idea, neither is explosion, but the finding of meaning, the conversion of reactions of popular actions to unpopular meanings to safer emotions .

I have tried to pray, but only tears come out. I think it's because my soul cries for the part of me that's set, it won't change.

I was reading Daniel chapter 10 and the angel told Daniel "...since you've been praying to YOUR GOD..." that said plenty. God speaks to each of us in diverse ways, ways that we find our selves a lot more able to understand.

I don't like the place too quiet, so I just play a film and let it be there in the background. 

Some people don't like it quiet at all, so they play loud music, they cannot watch films. They play it till the person in the next three blocks away can hear.

There are some people who don't like any thing like this, they cherish the silence. We all are different, and like languages, you cannot speak Yoruba to an hausa man and expect him to hear.

God is in us, but I must tell you that spirituality is way different from all these fancy words, sentences or phrases.

Where I get confused is when we start using our strength to measure our neighbours, or vice versa. There is surely going to be a rift and it would look like we all are spiritually different or that God has an identity disorder, meanwhile, it's our own selfishness, our need to control, instead of letting go.

Spirituality says WAIT! physicality says STRUGGLE.

spirituality says LET GO, physicality says HOLD ON TO.

The moment we begin to see spirituality as a river, the moment we loose rigidity and see the world as a playground, and nothing is forever.

What makes him worthy to say? Why him?

If there's a God which I know there is, and He speaks to this man, why not speak to me too.

I can't engage in gossips, He can't be found there.

Bottled up spirits, meddling at the bottom, your divine state is a disgrace to the heavens, your guilt, the ascertion of your death.

I am by my self longing for what you deviate, what you call outrageous. Truth is, I can't read this book forever with no teacher, I know everything must not end on this physical plane. 

Call the man of God, tell him, "let's go a fishing." If God told you, I don't want to know, that private chat was for you both, leave me out of it. I must converse and experience Him at any dimension he takes me.

Mother, sister, my father cares less. The transcendence is what I live for. Forward, earth must give or be done away with.

"You don't feel for me anymore. The way you look at me now is, is different..." 

Am I ashamed? No! 

I had the privilege sticking my hand in the cookie jar, but the cookie won't follow. It has happened not once, not twice not trice. The fruit just won't drop.

I think it's commitment, I think it's God, destiny and I don't want to know what would happen if I poke at this fruit and it falls.

But something bugs me, why this one? I know the water is great and fantastic, infact I have never met anyone, but once the water flowed, it broke through the door and everything followed, the fruit fell into my hand effortlessly, I swam and didn't drown. God didn't stop it. 

I have questions about this, what connects me to this water, it won't let me drown?

And I hate this question, but "who am I? Who is Omi?" 

Well I may not believe in humans, but I believe in life, I don't know the connection, but I know it exists. 

Burn down the chapel, what's in it's foundation?

How can I take control? I wish I could look at the world from the birds eye point of view, you know like watching a soccer match on a TV, you see everything, I personally don't care about predicting moves, but it's just hilarious, these humans.

I'm not old at all, and I'm human (not sure), but I'll say, humans are funny creatures. Thrown on earth, some spend their whole lives trying to find out who threw them here, some try to enslave other humans, others fall in love with things they met here (I can't blame them, nothing is really real, not our existence or death) so make something off your fickle existence.

So back to earlier. I'm a filmmaker, what I mean is I study film and major in more than 4 parts of filmmaking, and I love it, but it can be stressful, especially when you have deadlines to meet up and they are all close. When you're almost done with the last, one more comes in.

What I'm kicking at is, if there is one thing humans have in common is that they are humans. Humans feel and can be influenced. The feeling that they matter is in itself another weakness on it's own. How can I make it work for me, how can I gain a hold of the puppets strings???

I believe there's a possibility to change this mind of survival to the mind that sees everything as they are. EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT ME WAS MADE FOR ME.

ACRONYMS 

Standing at the top of the bus, I can see a sea, sea of heads, randomly moving like dust particles thrown from a trash pan to the air. 

Are these souls? are these people real? I throw, immediately they leave my sight, they disappear into thin air. I believe since I'm the main character in this fucking big cinema, these are extras to make me feel I am not alone, they are all virtual, not real, I can't grasp a begining, a middle or an end to them. Come to think of it, I can't even grasp an end for myself.

From the woman selling tomatoes by the road side with the baby on her back, who is crying and his nose drooling, to the conductor screaming at the top of his voice, calling out for more extras to entre his bus, all seem fake. I wonder what Angel is the casting director, because I could do a pretty good job about the face of this lady with black jeans and a crop top, fine skin, beautiful body, lovely dimensions, but disastrous on the face. It pains me, but hey, she's not real either. 

I believe I'll wake up one day from this, wake into peace, wake into... Nirvana.

To cap it up, I am the only real thing I know of, and the world, water, space, humans, all elements for my purpose.

Mirage on the road. Two hands, two legs, they talk, like me... Who created this? How dare you put me with these creatures. No beginning, middle or ending. It's just a show, a big show I am made to walk in.

Whose who, where's where, yet, someone is up there, laughing at my pain.

I thought death would be in my cup, I thought dark Sarah would sing forever.

I believed, I loved and trusted, but as his words fell from his mouth, even truth wore the cloak of deceit.

This toilet has begun to stink…

Did I murder her mother?

Did I lie to his sister?

My mouth is watery, please fetch me some water to quench this thirst.

I beg of you MAAMI water, talk to me, come down from thy lofty highness, talk to me a lowly being, your waters are getting dry.  Let the words of your lips be inclined with my blood, let the waves of the sea sing as we dance and theses mortals watch.

Or allow me to step off this pedestal, I’ll excuse myself  from thy shrine… I need peace, peace of mind.

Christ! Must this too have an end?

What is it I cannot see? Show me.

What is it I do not know? Teach me.

I will lay my head to the bed, what will he say to me?

Trust is like a house made of cards, when a piece is off,

you must rebuild the whole or walk away…

OR WALK AWAY!!!

Where we left

The eunuchs look on the kings’ daughter, my sister. they fantasized, but I wondered if they felt anything. I dream about things I have thought, I dream about space, its emptiness or the freedom it brings. These days, my emotions fleet off my will, the gathering of the whole seems unconvincing.

I am done replying and sending these texts, may the scroll roll off the table into the fire, and burn like spirits leaving her body.

Associate now thyself with thy maker, relive the dream, where do these feelings come from, how do these doubts play out before my eyes.

I have left the maze of the Minotaur with the big belly and confusing structure. The nightmare finally ends. Am i now stronger?

Control the taste, case the feeling, ponder the path, Ian!

My craft, it’s not about what or how I play, it’s about how I feel about what I play… These feelings are not permanent, unstable as water they are. How can I make water still, quench the waves of this sea? I need it, I need to...

While we sat

This is where we sat, blind bats staring into the light. Where am i?

Follow the stream, begin the dream, don’t wake me, this is real. Fleeting shadows, fading darkness, I am alive, death dead… forever. But this is my prayer, that my eyes be shut from this world, my body be above your ordinances.

As I lay to sleep, the thoughts of the boring day settles in my mind, thinking about what I did wrongly and what could be amended probably tomorrow.

As I lay looking to the roof, waiting for sleep to consider covering me up. I can feel it, the inertia of the drabness of time.

I composed a speech, how it’s going to fall at her feet, ideas grow faint… lord help me.

Is it the money? Is it convenience? Is it the blood flowing through my veins or the Divine’s own will?

I have burnt the Ferrari just because I could. I have seen things, not just the things I thought to, but the things she wanted to. Is she beautiful? Pray the good Lord keep her. How else can a man feel at home if not by his own smile or better yet hers.

Perspective garnishes the sin or fizzles away its intensity. the blood of the lamb on my lintel. Is it sin, is it not? I have no idea, but I soak my garri with sugar and salt, be it to every man as he deems fit. 

I could study my reflection in the water, these eyes, this face, my teeth, these smile marks are constant. I have started having beards accompanied with this mustache. My nose, the good Lord has his plans.

I remember when I was older, I was royalty, I was a king. I had my queen, I am not sure of the children, but my great grandfather said I took the kingdom as my family and only God, my queen, my soul quest I differentiated from the kingdom. But of my death, he said no one knew how, it was like I was taken up by the wind into another dimension, the reason the affinity for GREY. He said the only royalty who wore grey because all other colors fade.

 “When I was older I saw you, I think I saw you smile.”

Don’t go! Let the earth feel your energy flow through my heart. I am trying to get home, light my path.

There she is, my maami water, filling up every pore of sense in me. I went down to the river, awaken to the spirits. Here I am kneeling at your shrine, may the goddess acknowledge my presence.

“Don’t go! Let the earth feel your energy

 flow through my heart. I am trying 

to get home, light my path.”

Here she comes with eyes that glitter, voice like water, smile with shivers and spirit like beautiful thunder. It’s just a matter of time, these waters would find how to flow… Beautiful singing lightning.

“Don’t go! Let the earth feel your energy

 flow through my heart. I am trying 

to get home, light my path.”

Here we are in this restless ocean dancing…. Dancing…. Let’s keep dancing, forever till we can’t stop. Let’s dance to the waves, let’s dance on these waves.

Don’t go!

Walking on the marble floor, my feet regrets the feel. How light smiles and darkness points to my injury, the reason it should be sad. I remember my sin, the reason these eye lids struggle to stay at work. My night, my will, my strength… my fate.

Pass me the challis with the blood, I must replenish… Remember my sin…  Forget it please.

When the rains came

Pegasus could no longer fly. I could now sleep peacefully, listening to the rhythmic beating of the rain. 

As it sings, only its voice is heard, closure from my daunting thoughts and the noisy sun. Even my fellows with umbrellas wait.

“This could be a blessing or a curse.”

The farmer looked out of his shed to his farm. What was he seeing? The clouds were dark, lightning struck, the arteries of heaven. Now it’s blood pours down on earth, why should the clouds cover heaven?

“The sun is at our backside, entertain us just this once,

 let’s witness the injuries of heaven.”

Who is this that blows softly in my face, and lays beside me? Oh! the angels are here, they’ve come to visit. I now shall pretend to be asleep. 

This is my whole life 

To live in love

Grow in love

Reap in love

And die in love.

Silently, silently I watched

The poker-faced God

Keep something from us

Somewhat streams of red

Some colorless, shades of grey.

Walking through the garden

Magnificent I was made, I thought.

Soft paradise I couldn’t see

Silver haired toddler

What, what shall I eat?

Rumbling and tossing at noon

The serpent knocked off my tooth…

Pain? No, not pain

Something sensual filled my mouth

Eve, where was she?

My name? wait he calls me

Silently, silently I watched

Silently, silently death became gorgeous.

Curves, voice, touch…

Is this death?

Shades upon shades

Shadows underneath her eyes

Lips reaching to my mind

And the garden of nede between her thighs

That sanctuary my soul should seek… I think.

As the rain poured

Courtesy the wrath of my God

Her hair danced with the water

Streaming down from her temple to her breasts

Finding its way gently

Through her curves

Like the way of the serpent. I think.

Are you the wife of God?

Keep the answer grace my soul with your touch

Erupt in me like the thunder of God.

Her eyes, dangerously mild

Sweet torture to my soul.

Who drags this with me?

Even sons of God discard life.

Slay the dove, send me the crow…

Silently, silently death became gorgeous

I HAVE NEVER BEEN UNDER THE MOON; IT LOOKS SO STRANGE LOOKING AT IT NOW. THE PICTURE OF MY FUTURE COMES to MIND, THE PICTURE OF DIVINITY IS BECOMING CLEARER. I THINK SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL IN THE MOONLIGHT, JUST BEFORE SHE SMILED.

OH! COME TO THINK OF IT, WHY DOES THE PALM WINE IN THIS GLASS CUP RESEMBLE THE PALE COLOR OF THE MOON… IT ACTUALLY DOES. THE DRINK OF GODS, HERE I AM, A GOD, DO NOT DENY ME MY PLEASURE.

WHAT ARE THE COLORS OF DREAMS? DO THEY HAVE THE VIGNETTE; ARE THEY COLORLESS WITH A COLD FEEL? THESE QUESTIONS I SHOULD FIND OUT THIS NIGHT UNFAILINGLY.

MOONLIGHT, SHE REALLY DOES LOOK GOOD IN THE MOONLIGHT BEFORE SHE SMILES, IT GIVES ME SOMETHING TO THINK OF.

MOTHER EARTH WITH HER DAUGHTERS CALL DOWN THE SPIRITS, REMIND ME THE DAY I BIRTHED SUN, CAN YOU RERCALL MY WHEREABOUTS BEFORE I FOUND MYSELF ON MOTHERS LAP? WHERE WOULD I FIND MYSELF WHEN THESE EYE LIDS REFUSE TO ACCEPT TOMORROW? WOULD THERE BE DAY, NIGHT, FOOD, AND WOMAN? WOULD IT RESEMBLE THE BLACKNESS OF INFINITY?

I WAS SAD, NOW I AM ELATED… I PRAY THE SPIRITS OF THIS WINE STAY WITH ME FOREVER. I PRAY DAYLIGHT DOES NOT APPEAR, LET THIS BEAUTIFUL MOONLIGHT FEED MOTHERS LAPS WITH THE AMBIENCE OF THE RESTING PLACE OF THE GODS.

courtesy @evgeniyshaman

WHILE THE EARTH TURNS

                                                                                                                                                Dec 2 2018

Why do you doubt and trust fully in some few seconds? Refrain, look on the past trails, questions you know better than to have them.  The what if's are for the curious ones, the insecure mind, I have the list. The storms, hurricane, drought, still water is life and God creator of all is love.

What do you feel? What can you see? Close your eyes, lose your doubts, forget the war, and embrace the sleep. There is a feeling to her skin, there is this distinction I think. For how long can I stare at the screen and not be bothered by my blindness? Maybe I do, maybe I don't, do you think I should? I have felt this before; remember the darkness, the reason for my phobia for water bodies.

What are you thinking, what is on your mind?  I watched her get lost in the crowd, but her essence was here. What are you thinking? What can't I say? I have no idea, but what's on your mind?

                                                                                                                                              DEC 3 2018

I can't let your beautiful face block my vision. This is your fight, not mine.  Your father has tied you all to the index finger of a small boy, what would you do? What can you do?  I don't know, it is your fight not mine, I cannot advice you.  A Persian folklore talks about teaching a horse how to fly, just to increase a life span, even just for a day, if not, that set date for the guillotine would be the last the fellow sees the sun. If I advise you, I would be setting in motion something your fathers would never forgive me for.  That is definitely not my course, but I would watch you, because I am not prepared to jump off the fence. Would you run Alice, or would you stay? Your story has its foot on a thousand mountains, a million days and a thousand thoughts. I will stand by to watch you. It’s not my fight, though we have a lot in common, our places on earth right now are different, but I am here.